Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm gonna get kicked off the island for this...

... and probably hunted down by lovely women with knives (possibly from a Caribbean island), but so be it.

I was hanging out in an online chat with some rather unsavory characters and they started talking about Post-Lotusphere Stress Disorder, leading to the inevitable top 10 list. I did not participate in the creation of this list, I'm merely the scribe capturing it for posterity. You will notice not every entry is numbered, there are more than 10 entries and there is no number 10. Creativity like this can't be bound by rules. Names have been redacted to protect the oh-so-deliciously guilty.

Top Ten ways you know you have PLSD

1. You have a sudden urge to put up a tent in your backyard, in Maine, in February, so family dinners will feel more natural.
2. You insist that all of you children's backpacks be yellow
3. All of your children's backpacks ARE yellow
4. You insist on rows of uncomfortable chairs in the living room for movie night.
5. You fill out an evaluation form after every television show you watch at home.
6. You fill out an evaluation form for completely inappropriate things. Out to the dining tent for you, mister.
7. You see a tchotke at a neighbors house and ask if you can have it if they swipe your card.
8. You get invited to a party, and don't tell your spouse just in case she wasn't invited.
9. You drink your coffee REALLY FAST so the Disney bots don't take it away mid-swallow.
for six months, every time you leave your bedroom you check to make sure you remembered your badgeholder.
You line up for lunch, even when eating at home.
you think it's normal to show up for work after only 2 hours sleep
You ask your spouse if you can stay in the same room you were in last year.
You are willing to listen to 5 minutes of crap talk just to get a free pen.
You keep asking your coworkers, kids, and spouse where you can get this year's CULT shirt from; they look at you in horror.
You ask the neighbors if it's ok to use their pool without a room key
You ask your spouse if she's coming to your session.
And if it merits a repeat.
You ask your neighbors if it is OK to use their driveway to park.
You ask your kid if he's filming your session
You put RFID badges on the cats.
you mutter "I can't remember if I'm swan or dolphin this year"
and then look for your two huge carp on your roof
you build a 3 stage waterfall from same said roof
In Maine, in February
You scream out SAKE! at the top of your lungs after finishing each drink
you wished they'd put your room number on your key, in case you ever need to go there
You applaud when your wife introduces a new dish for dinner, even though you seem to remember you should have had it years ago.
and you keep asking her, "Can I have this to go in a box, I'm late for my session"
You applaud after sex even if it wasn't that good. Then you hog the microphone for Q&A.
you have a favorite seat in every meeting room in 3 different disney hotels
You knock on neighbor's houses asking if they know where Jamfest (or SpeedGeeking) is.
You walk into your bedroom announcing, "OK, before we begin, please turn off all cell phones and pagers".
11. Every Wednesday night for four months, you randomly get on a bus.
12. You know what CULT stands for
13. You're jazzed because you have a CULT shirt for every day of the week.
you are hard-core because you have the original "Notes World Order" shirt.
14. You go home and claim to your spouse that you're going to be agile from now on.

hmm, "Brokeback Novak"... another CULT theme
beats my original suggestion, FSCK Portal.


  1. "You drink your coffee REALLY FAST so the Disney bots don't take it away mid-swallow." - Disney bots - hilarious! That is exactly what they are! You nailed it!

  2. Lol, hilarious stuff and oh so true! It really does feel naked to go "badge-less" on Friday and I for one am missing not having anybody make my room for me every day :-)

    And for the record, you can't get voted/thrown/threatened off the island - the only way to leave, is by your own choice!


  3. Well, it was nice knowin' ya.

    Remember, while they sometimes come as women with knives, the Disneybots can take ANY form.


  4. Francie, good to know I can come back but I think I probably burned a few bridges. ;-)

    Craig I know the Disneybots only smile in public. When they're closing in on you it's just a grim look of determination.